The 2026 NBA Playoffs are underway, with some exciting first-round upsets early on. However, in this series, we are not very much concerned with the on-court competition. So, let’s get right to it and see who would win the 2026 NBA Finals if the tournament was decided not by basketball games, but by combat between the teams’ mascots.

Western Conference First Round

Oklahoma City Thunder vs. Phoenix Suns

Well, why don’t we start with the toughest matchup to decide? The team names are self-explanatory. The sun is 27 million degrees hot, and thunder is not. I suppose we can side with Phoenix here.

Los Angeles Lakers vs. Houston Rockets

For this exercise, we will assume that a Laker refers to a carrier vessel that sails the Great Lakes. Of course, the team originated in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. A rocket is a rocket, however, and we have been shown before that it can win a fight against a boat. I’m taking the Rockets here.

Denver Nuggets vs. Minnesota Timberwolves

Hmm… a nugget of gold or a wolf? The average nugget is about two grams and the average wolf is around 100 pounds. This one isn’t close at all. Timberwolves advance.

San Antonio Spurs vs. Portland Trail Blazers

A spur is a metal attachment to a horse rider’s boot. A trail blazer is a person who paves their own path, or a pioneer. No matter what that person does or what their legacy is, I can confidently say that they can find a way to defeat a small chunk of metal. Blazers to the semis.

Western Conference Semifinals

Phoenix Suns vs. Houston Rockets

Unfortunately for the drama of this story, I am afraid that, no matter what, the winner of this matchup will make the Finals. A quick Google search tells me that it is essentially impossible for humans to produce enough rockets to destroy the sun. I trust the Google machine and admit that a Rockets victory is likely impossible. Suns advance.

Minnesota Timberwolves vs. Portland Trail Blazers

Theoretically, a trail blazer is much tougher, stronger, and more persistent than your average individual. That leads me to believe that he or she would last longer in this fight that you or I would. That said, as a human, it is hard to combat claws, fangs, and the overall wildness that is a wolf. The battle is a good one, but the Timberwolf comes out on top.

Western Conference Finals

Phoenix Suns vs. Minnesota Timberwolves

If a rocket doesn’t stand a chance against the sun, neither does a wolf. Enough said. Suns to the Finals.

Eastern Conference First Round

Detroit Pistons vs. Orlando Magic

A piston is very crucial to the smooth operation of your automobiles, but magic is just plain scary. It can make the piston disappear altogether. Magic takes this one.

Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Toronto Raptors

Now this is a fun matchup. A sword-wielding soldier versus a small, feathered dinosaur. These raptors were carnivores. If it can disarm the cavalier, it will not be pretty. The issue, however, is the short arms that the creature was cursed with. Raptors are not as big as portrayed in Hollywood… they were about the size of a medium dog. I think the cavalier’s expertise with his weapon will help him fend off the dino threat. Cavs to the semis.

New York Knicks vs. Atlanta Hawks

A knickerbocker is a person from New York City. Much larger and stronger than a hawk, I think the New Yorker could win that fight, given that the bird is forced to engage and not simply fly away. Knicks advance.

Boston Celtics vs. Philadelphia 76ers

A Celtic can represent a number of different things. Looking at Boston’s logo and the city’s history, we can assume that they intend us to imagine an Irish man. This fellow will go up against a Philly revolutionist from the late 1700s. Both are scrappy. This one could go either way. The stereotypes will tell us that the Celtic is a better fighter (just ask Notre Dame). For that reason, I will side with him. Celtics advance.

Eastern Conference Semifinals

Orlando Magic vs. Cleveland Cavaliers

The cavalier has the benefit of a weapon. But can magic even be combatted? Not by man, I don’t think. Magic wins this one.

New York Knicks vs. Boston Celtics

This matchup is very similar to the Celtic’s last. I think a New Yorker would have less grit than a revolutionary American from our nation’s first capital. Because of this, I think the Celtic advances again.

Eastern Conference Finals

Orlando Magic vs. Boston Celtics

Same story as before. Magic beats man. Onto the Finals!

NBA Finals

Phoenix Suns vs. Orlando Magic

Wow. Both eight-seeds in the Finals. I can all but guarantee this won’t happen in the real bracket. In this make-believe world, though, I think this is the most intriguing matchup yet. These are what we previously perceived to be two unstoppable forces. Under what temperature can magic even operate? I don’t know. What I do know is that the sun must submit to the laws of physics. Magic is not constrained by such laws. I cannot explain these laws to you, as I am just an Economics major. However, this sounds like it would give magic the upper hand, and for that reason, it is my NBA Combat Tournament Champion.

2026 Mascot NBA Finals Champion: Orlando Magic